If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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