This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
