Texts From Last Night

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  (708): View more from Illinois

  He uses pillows to masturbate.

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  (708): He uses pillows to masturbate. http://tfl.nu/f9f4
  Replies (39) Good night (719) Bad night (3136)
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  (516): View more from New York

  Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.

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  (516): Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America. http://tfl.nu/zzy7
  Replies (11) Good night (7337) Bad night (483)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'

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  (913): Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered' http://tfl.nu/kmmk
  Replies (16) Good night (4500) Bad night (616)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.

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  (512): Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka. http://tfl.nu/j6vt
  Replies (19) Good night (4395) Bad night (657)
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  (415): View more from California

  SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!

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  (415): SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT! http://tfl.nu/38ig
  Replies (26) Good night (4433) Bad night (1037)
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  (239): View more from Florida

  In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.

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  (239): In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now. http://tfl.nu/wa2b
  Replies (32) Good night (9274) Bad night (1654)
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ

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  (319): THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ http://tfl.nu/h11a
  Replies (15) Good night (3096) Bad night (988)
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  (518): View more from New York

  we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well

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  (518): we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well http://tfl.nu/pd1v
  Replies (5) Good night (1309) Bad night (495)
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  (818): View more from California

  I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.

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  (818): I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job. http://tfl.nu/0hbs
  Replies (13) Good night (2512) Bad night (829)
• Favorite

  (940): View more from Texas

  He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.

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  (940): He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there. http://tfl.nu/awit
  Replies (3) Good night (1009) Bad night (440)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.

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  (706): Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size. http://tfl.nu/vhd5
  Replies (7) Good night (459) Bad night (1944)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?

  (1-570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.

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  (570): At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement? (1-570): I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet. http://tfl.nu/p7w6
  Replies (2) Good night (878) Bad night (281)
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses

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  (802): I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses http://tfl.nu/9pm9
  Replies (4) Good night (585) Bad night (696)
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.

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  (913): I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against. http://tfl.nu/anj9
  Replies (0) Good night (521) Bad night (249)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her

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  (+44): I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her http://tfl.nu/5w2j
  Replies (0) Good night (248) Bad night (149)

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