I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town