Texts From Last Night

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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control

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  (502): I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control http://tfl.nu/izk5
  Replies (46) Good night (930) Bad night (8500)
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  Whatcha textin bout Willis?

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  (647): Whatcha textin bout Willis? http://tfl.nu/s0y0
  Replies (29) Good night (3831) Bad night (1034)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  "I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."

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  (440): "I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face." http://tfl.nu/mi59
  Replies (27) Good night (1319) Bad night (4304)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.

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  (303): I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet. http://tfl.nu/l0f7
  Replies (14) Good night (983) Bad night (3819)
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  (650): View more from California

  Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th

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  (650): Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th http://tfl.nu/8el9
  Replies (16) Good night (2228) Bad night (4578)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?

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  (908): Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body? http://tfl.nu/k849
  Replies (12) Good night (4180) Bad night (1211)
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  (408): View more from California

  I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom

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  (408): I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom http://tfl.nu/1a6p
  Replies (7) Good night (983) Bad night (2975)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.

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  (630): Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight. http://tfl.nu/jrv5
  Replies (7) Good night (4527) Bad night (905)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night

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  (410): that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night http://tfl.nu/xnkt
  Replies (4) Good night (1462) Bad night (867)
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  (662): View more from Mississippi

  Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.

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  (662): Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference. http://tfl.nu/teq1
  Replies (7) Good night (2476) Bad night (746)
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  (213): View more from California

  holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow

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  (213): holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow http://tfl.nu/whvj
  Replies (5) Good night (1729) Bad night (595)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  This is a rough morning for me

  (577): View more from

  No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.

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  (630): This is a rough morning for me (577): No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma. http://tfl.nu/q4hk
  Replies (1) Good night (664) Bad night (1222)
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  (61): View more from Australia

  Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair

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  (61): Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair http://tfl.nu/j3o5
  Replies (7) Good night (613) Bad night (431)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.

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  (513): Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one. http://tfl.nu/jklt
  Replies (0) Good night (464) Bad night (425)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  You were silly, high, and chewing on things.

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  (519): You were silly, high, and chewing on things. http://tfl.nu/3bfw
  Replies (1) Good night (375) Bad night (203)

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