I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...