Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
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Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
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i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?