Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
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You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..