So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit