epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
