I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
