So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
