So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
