Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
