Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
