Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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