Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
