Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
