Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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