i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
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