I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
