I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
