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• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?

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• (510): View more from California

  Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.    

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• (443): View more from Maryland

  My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.

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• (210): View more from Texas

  Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick

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• (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head

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• (262): View more from Wisconsin

  we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.

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• (330): View more from Ohio

  Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...

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• (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!

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• (317): View more from Indiana

  I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha

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• (714): View more from California

  I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging

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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.

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• (518): View more from New York

  I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?

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