Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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