i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
