Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
