Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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