my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
