the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
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