just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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