I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
no, he came in my armpit
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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