Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
