I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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