dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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