I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
