i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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