Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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