Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
