you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
