I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
whose ass print is on the piano?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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