I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
