My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
