The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
