did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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