I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize