so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
