somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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