Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
