His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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