If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
