i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I think your dad took our porno
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
