Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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