When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
