i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
