1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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