just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
