The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
so much tequila, so little girl.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
