God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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