What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Randomize
