Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
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I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
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So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize