you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
17 year olds will be the death of me.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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