I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
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