she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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