He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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