So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
