Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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