Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
