I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
