it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
