She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
