when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Randomize
