bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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