It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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