I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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