feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Randomize
