Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
