Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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