I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
