For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
