So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
