we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
