i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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